Hollow, An ode to my beloved

by DLBG on Tue, 12th Feb

I’ve been addicted to you, it seems like forever. As each day passes I fill it with soporific activities designed not to let me forget but just to keep going. From time to time I actually feel released from your grasp. But every now and again you creep up into my sleep and into my being. What can I do to shed this pain. I saw the end before it began, pretty much I suppose when you go on a roller coaster you know the thrill will be for so long and no more. No one actually lives on the roller coaster so you couldn’t expect to stay forever; it’s only a temporary state of excitement. There comes a time when you know you have to go home.

What surprises me more is that I am my own demon; it seems I stole your soul, Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won. So I took what's mine by eternal right. Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? No, you had your time to save us both.

But I won’t let you go even though it’s over, you changed my life my very being and now my DNA is infused with yours. Each year passes only helps me to linger, but that doesn’t help because it doesn’t change anything except my broken dreams. My spirit lives on to try and give a normal smile and only time sees my pain.

And I still hold your hand in mine, when I'm asleep. And I will bear my soul in time.

I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I've been addicted to you.

Remember us and all we used to be

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

Now I'm so hollow

The Seeker

by owen on Mon, 28th Jan at 9:09 pm

She was mildly attractive with a low cut blouse and pamphlets about disabled kids in a folder as if she had just come from a conference. I assumed she was a basic school teacher like most are if not that a church girl or a monkey. As she took out her phone out of her incredibly large purse, I was already turning off my phone. The bus and the fact that the hot younger girl sat in the wrong seat. She was about 30 plus and had one maybe 2 kids - as I get older I tend to not fear the curse of attachments that I download will affect my computer. Life is either a perilous adventure or nothing. A freckle on the nose of life's complexion.

My assumptions were correct for she preceded to argue with her 5 year old daughter on the phone about why she love other people yard more than her own - she was a bit clingy like paint on a dry wall. It was clearly important to her and I listened patiently because I had the window seat, trapped, the bus was full and my Jedi mind tricks are yet to prove profitable. I listened, she spoke. She was well endowed and had a strong conviction for what she was saying, it was important to her as I said before in the last sentence.

You tend to not talk about relationships and common-law marriages when you first meet a woman, especially on the bus where she could shank me many times when I laughed at her misconceptions, dreams that were fables, the married man calling her at dinner time wanting to eat her. I don't remember how the conversation progressed, it just happens, once you get pass the barrier. A good hour into the bus ride I hadn't even asked her her name - I forget at times and she'll want me to remember it. I haven't even asked her up until the point when she went off into the darkness. She wanted to continue the conversation and adjusted her bra strap to that effect but I couldn't save her - she had to learn to save her self.

When you were young

by owen on Fri, 11th Jan

I have a hatred of calendars. Yes I said Hatred because I think its necessary for you to have something to hate since I can't hate Brittany Spears anymore, it gives you a point of reference. I hate calendars with the fire of a thousand suns. And they are rather prevalent nowadays, this time a year like Jehovah's Witnesses who hand out little magazines. Drug dealer business model. I never understood them, turns out there is a lot I don't understand. I'll be OK as long as somebody takes me home - every now and then. Make everyday worth all the pain that you went through.

Why would you want to look at the same, uno, one, single, solitary picture for an entire year? Especially if there is advertisement on it. And don't even tell me about the ones come as a flip-book and have different pictures for every month. I despise them as well, for when I get them, the first time, I cheat and look at all the pictures that same day. I can't wait, I forget to stop, pull out. Ruins the monthly surprise. Makes you fret.

I want to celebrate this time, look through you and know who you are. Destiny is usually kind. And the average reader may think I hate clocks as well but I love clocks - surprisingly. I love them so much that the clock in my living room is set 20 minutes into the future and the second hand doesn't work at all, it just sits there and rocks between 30 and 31. I took a calendar from the supermarket hoping that I might draw on the white surface of the back like I did - in the the past. They gave me 4 when I only wanted one - bastards.

Woke Up This Morning

by owen on Mon, 31st Dec 2007 at 10:17 pm

After working late facading my facades on the Friday of a weekend times 2. Absolut Disco in hand, houses with wrong numbers, off dead end streets, too far to walk, too near to fly. Too much eye shadow.

Fresh young lady, hair like Toni, ass like woo and the sexy lady next to her. I asked her to love me but she didn't want to love me. I am waiting on the food before I go, tempted to touch, shorty smile like she on drugs, instrumentals playing the background, new school, old school, 1976. The regulars chatting about vampire movies, I am Legend, WIFI. Cashews spread out on the table, solar lawn lamps give off a dead glow as I listen. Soap got served, don't ask whats in it, its soup - you can assume its magical.

By the end of the year the cake didn't go too well with the cranberry 1/4 vodka, shorty deleted all the good pictures and the guy was 2 hours late - unschooled to the rules. I'd reject you but I can't follow through, all we can hope for is that one of us dies young. My only resolution is that I'll try to be less contrived next year, its all I've learned how to do, I've forgotten how it started.

One More Addiction

by owen on Sun, 09th Dec 2007 at 8:14 pm

I'm still at the open cubicle, in the open, away from my base cubicle which was snuggled-neatly-passively in a corner where I could disappear, successfully defend against attack and be at peace. It started to rain and I had to move. I often look back to make sure that none of the new, ignorant have sort to capture my domain while I linger here. I may have mentioned that I hate to leave from somewhere, that I am, to go somewhere else, doesn't matter where. So I linger here for now, a few feet away, training myself not to look up when a someone passes behind me to go to the printer. Studying the blurry outline of the quaint secretary to my right, the sunlight in my face in the evening, the ghosts in the corner of eyes without moving my head, full of focus. Adjust my eyes to undulate the reflections in my monitor. Leave me alone.

Strange in an interesting or pleasing way, there exists another that I smile with, on purpose, I never say anything to her. And even if she isn't smiling I make her smile because some people just can't resist it - its a rare curse. So I make a game of it, eventually she'll want to break the silence and I will want to continue the game and she'll hate me for it, but I don't care - its all about the memories. When the morning comes don't say you love me. Yes, she might be a cool person on the inside, but only fools rush in, unless it makes you happy - die by what you live by.

I would like to think that when you say something that you expect an answer. That when you say something it evaluates to more than the fact that it causes the water in the toilet to turn blue - which is painfully obvious. Don't try to change the way i feel. We only have a limited amount of time to think up names for our children, a master plan to take over the world and what next to waste our money on. There are not alot of things that I care about - you will soon realize why I do, not, neither, triple negative. Even flowers on the window can appreciate a lovely day for what it is. Plant your seeds and let them grow, sometimes I will see it happen once, maybe twice and then I will just stop. Because doing the same thing over and over again because its the safe thing to do is a waste of time - unless - its a game you can win.