Columbiana Movie Review

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written by owen on 2011-Sep-04.

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Based on the the trailor you would think that this was going to be La Feme Nikita but it is not. Seems like every movie must have a parkuor scene. Zoe zaldana plays a skinny black/white girl who grows up to be the little girl from The Professional. The movie plays into every stereotype possible - calling it simple is overstating the movie's plot. It is a movie about clueless cops that have nothing better to do that chase a revenge serial killer for 5 years only to solve the whole case in 5 minutes of stumbling across clues. It all reminds me of the movie Salt, in its need to craft unnecessary and complicated action sequences to wow the simple minded.

While I was watching the movie I hoped she would eat a hamburger or a cow or something. I can only assume she runs on solar energy. The sence of deja vu is rampant with scenes and sections ripped from the original movie. Anybody who has watched The Professional will be like "I have seen this before!".

Because the movie is PG13, most people die offscreen and there are no scenes which I would call jaw dropping, unless you enjoy seeing Zoe partially naked and barebacked. I give it 5 out of 10. Its a pretty average movie with a skinny girl kicking butt. Wait until its on cable or watch The Professional - its much better.

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  1. wow dude, you smack this movie pretty hard... I shall wait until the DVD to see what's up and then we shall have a good convo

    by TheAinzlee 2011-Sep-04 

  2. I found it seriously disappointing. On the other hand you like disappointing movies so in your case you might like it.

    by owen 2011-Sep-05 

  3. I believe you. . . and I only sort of liked the professional so. . . pass

    by Gods Child 2011-Sep-08